Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize