but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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