i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
