you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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