Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize