I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
