he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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