think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Randomize
