I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
