with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Found your dick twin last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
