I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
