my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize