Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
