I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
