Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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