Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
