she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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