is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
