Duck Duck Cougar?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
