i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize