it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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