You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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