He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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