i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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