my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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