My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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