She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
