she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
