note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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