She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
