I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
