It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
