i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize