i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
