So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
