I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
