Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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