she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
