I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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