roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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