Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
