Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
