I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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