I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
