Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
