I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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