just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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