The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
