Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
