"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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