how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize