Got a toothbrush?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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