Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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