there's paper in my vomit.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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