Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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