she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize