Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
