i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
