it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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