I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
