I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
