If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
