What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
