he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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