your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
