i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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