I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
