I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
