So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Michael Bay diarrhea
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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