You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize