I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
