Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
