Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
