dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
