I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
