Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
