Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
